Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth elludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me
-Jamie Cullum "Twenty-something"
Life as a twenty-something can be such a trial... so many of my twenty-something friends seem to be struggling right now. (I'm speaking of my South African friends... I have no clue what goes on in my old friends' lives in the States...) I don't mean that our lives are falling to shambles or that we're in a bad place, but we're struggling. We're questioning things we never questioned before. We're begging God for answers, and to us it seems He is slow in responding. I know He's not slow though. I know His timing is perfect, even though I struggle to understand it. I'm fighting God for the first time in my life. I think it's the first time anyway. God has basically shut the door for me to stay here next year, and I am kicking and screaming - begging Him to change His mind. But He's God. I don't think He changes His mind. And it hurts to think of not being here next year... I don't mean hurts emotionally; I actually mean it hurts. My stomach hurts when I think about it. I get all tied up inside - really. I don't like God's plan right now, and wow, that feels SO weird to say. I've always been one to go along with God's plan and be all happy about it. It's so odd to feel this way! Is this normal? Is this OK? Is it OK to disagree with God? I mean, deep down I know that His plan is best... I really do. I'm just having a hard time accepting it. I don't want to let go of what I've made for myself here. I've pleaded with God on so many occastions in the past 18 months to give me friends here. And you know, He was so faithful and wonderful to answer my prayer a hundred fold. To have the kind of friends I have here, and to have only been here 1 1/2 years is truly amazing. Lord, let me never take them for granted. But now I am fighting with God because I don't want to let them go. Or rather, I don't want to go away from them. My friend Craig made a great statement tonight. He said that something he's realized about being twenty-something is that at any given moment, in 2 year's time, he'll probably have a completely different life... different work, different passions, different friends. And he said that it's a freeing thought. He said it helps you to not hold on to friends, but rather to hold onto the God in them. Now, he didn't mean that there's a god in every person... he's not weird like that. :) He was saying that I must hold onto what God has done, spoken, and shown me through each friend I've made in this amazing journey. And man, he's so right. God has used my friends here in incredible ways... ways I would never have imagined. He didn't give me silly friends (though I may have thought so from time to time). When I really think about it, He put really strong people in my life... people who would challenge me, inspire me, and love me for who I am. He's truly amazing. How can I question His intentions for my life?? I still don't like the idea... I'd still rather be here next year... But I do surrender to His will. I may have to let go of what He has given me, but I'll never ever let go of the God I have seen in each one of my blessed South African friends. To God be all the glory. Amen!
Link to pictures:
http://community.webshots.com/user/bonnieb81
1 comment:
Bonnie, when I was a "short-timer" I didn't like it much either. I thought I'd just die, or lose all meaningful existence if I went back to the States. I started inventing ways to stay in country, past my departure time. (They told me later that this is part of culture stress).
Trust in God, that's all I can tell you. Trust that the next year(s) will be even better than the one you have now.
(hope that doesn't sound too preachy).
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