Tonight I turned the heaters on in my bedroom, cuddled up in my strawberry shortcake blanket (yes, I have a strawberry shortcake blanket - don't laugh!), and watched some Shirley Temple movies that my family sent me for my birthday. Man, that took me back! It felt so good to feel 6 years old again. I remember once when I was little, a bee stung me on the foot, and the only thing that would make me feel better was putting on the movie, "The Little Princess" (a Shirley Temple movie). :) Sometimes I miss being a little kid. Being a kid means trusting and believing everything you're told by anyone older than you. Being a kid means not really having to think for yourself. But, as I approach another birthday on Friday, I come to the realization that I am not a little kid anymore. And that means I do have to think for myself. I know I've not been a little kid for a while now, but I'm kind of "re-realizing" (if that's a word. :) Not being a kid means that I have the responsibility to think. (ugh) God created me with a very capable mind and the ability to use it. And as great as that is, lately it's been more of a burden. At times I just want to go back to believing everything I've been taught and told. That's so much easier! It's almost as if I'm afraid to think- to question what I've been taught. I'm a missionary ... I'm supposed to have everything figured out, right!? Obviously, I don't have everything figured out... and if that makes me an inadequate missionary... well, I'm done in 5 months, so just let me finish, ok? ;) Now, if you're reading this and thinking I've gone off the deep end, or I'm doubting my faith, that's NOT the case!! I promise you! In fact, lately I have so much of a desire to really know Christ... to know what He'd really do today... to know what He really wants me to do today. I've started reading through the Gospels recently with a new agenda... Get this... I'm just reading them! No notebook. No highlighter. No commentaries. I'm just reading them. I'm trying to get a good picture of who my Saviour is and what He's like. And I'm trying to do that without the opinions of theologians. (I'm not saying theologians are wrong! I just want to read for myself!) Anyway... well, this has been a different blog post... as opposed to my typical "this is what I did today" post. Hope you don't mind. So... if you want to do something for me for my bday on Friday, please pray for wisdom and guidance that only God can give! This is gonna be a great year - I can feel it. Now... strawberry shortcake is calling my name!
Thanks for checking in on me!
in Him,
Bonnie