Still laughing...

In my last post, I wrote that God makes me laugh, and well... I'm still laughing at what He's doing in my life. So VERY much has happened since I last updated this blog. I don't know where to begin... but since it's late, and all 2 of you who read this don't want to read a novel, I'll just give you the basics...

-My roommate got married... it was an awesome wedding, and I was so fortunate to be able to be a bridesmaid AND get to sing in the wedding. It's been quite a change for me to not have Leanne here at home. I miss her so so so much! But it's cool to see her living her life with Chris. They're a pretty stellar couple, and I'm so glad they're in my life!

- Yulyney officially moved in! God provided a great roommate to share the joys of the Ruskin House! We've had 2 big rains that caused flooding downstairs, and she's been a trooper the whole time!

- I'm singing again! Or should I say, "Estoy cantando otra vez!" In August, I wrote, "Tonight, as I sang the songs in both languages... as I worshiped my Savior in Spanish, my desire to learn this beautiful language was, without a doubt, rekindled. I pray that God will help me learn and then provide me with new opportunities to serve Him!" Well... no surprise here... He has provided!! It has been a crazy few months, as I've slowly but surely made my way into the Summit en Espanol community. In the beginning, on Saturday nights, I would serve at the English PM campus of the Summit, then go down just for the sermon in Spanish, and then I'd leave early to go be at the door to say goodbye to people at the English campus. Slowly, I started to hang around after the Spanish service and attempt to talk to people. With the help of Yulyney and a few other friends who felt sorry for me (hehe) I started to hang out after church with new friends from SeE. I eventually went to a Bible study in Spanish... and it has all just progressed from there. My Spanish is improving (very slowly, but improving nonetheless). This past Saturday night was my 2nd week singing on the worship team for SeE. I can't believe they let me sing! I can't believe that I call Summit en Espanol my Summit campus home! I can't believe that, lately, at most of the social events I attend, I only understand about half of what's being said! :)

There's more I could write... and probably more I SHOULD write, but at the moment, I'm exhausted. I worked 2 shows at the DPAC (Durham Performing Arts Center) and then went to some SeE friends' house for a birthday dinner and stayed too late playing cards. Fun times... I might regret it when I try to wake up in the morning, but these memories are worth being tired. God is good... I'm so glad He lets me live a life that makes me laugh so very much! :)

Dios me hace reír!

Indeed, God does have a way of making me laugh. Maybe that's the wrong response. Maybe I should be falling on my knees in gratitude and awe of His goodness to me when I least deserve it. But for now, at 3 o'clock in the morning, He makes me laugh. 2 months ago I wrote here that I was excited about learning Spanish, and I prayed that God would help me learn and provide me with opportunities to serve Him. Something I did not write, that I should have, is that I was also going to be losing my amazing roommate, Leanne, on October 24th because she is getting married. You all know that living in this house requires a very special person, and I was completely trusting God to provide someone in His time (though I was prepared to wait and live alone until He provided someone). Well, ladies and gentlemen... I am not at all surprised to tell you all that God has faithfully come though again, and He has done so in a way that just makes me laugh as I think about how it is only HE that could have done this.

A couple of weeks ago I got a random phone call during work. It turned out to be Yulyney, a girl from the Summit who was looking for somewhere to live. She had gotten my name/number from a friend at church. Turns out, Yulyney is Columbian (and therefore speaks Spanish!) and is involved in Summit en Español. Are you kidding me??? She came over to see the house the next day, and had dinner with Leanne and I a few days later. By then, she'd made her decision to move in. Yulyney has a heart to reach our neighbors with the love of Christ. She's ok with living in this neighborhood, even though it's not the safest part of Durham. Sound like anyone else you know?! :)

Tonight after church, I didn't want to go home. Yulyney was going to watch soccer at someone's house, but she strongly encouraged me to go hang out with some of the people from Summit en Español. I really wanted to go, but I was also very nervous... It has been 4 years since I've hung out with a group where most of the people in the room were not American. With Yulyney's encouragement, I ended up going, and oh my goodness... I had so much fun! I most definitely made a FOOL out of myself trying to speak Spanish. One friend even tried to teach me a little bit of dancing... haha... FAIL! It's ok though. I know I'm going to make an idiot out of myself learning this language, but I'm going to do whatever it takes! I'm ok with laughing at myself, as long as my new friends will be patient with me while I learn (which is going to take a while!).

So yes... God makes me laugh... both at His crazy, amazing, faithfulness to me, and at myself. He is so good.

I don't believe in coincidence

Sunday night (as my previous post records) I got super excited about the Summit's Spanish Campus, and my desire to learn Spanish was rekindled in a huge way. Today I went by the preschool office and picked up my class list/folders. I have 13 kids in my class so far... possibly 14 soon... 7 of the 13 are Spanish speakers and the possible 14th is as well. Over half of my students are Spanish speakers - that's more than I've had in the last 2 years combined. Add to this scenario, that the only other teacher from my school (besides the ESL teacher) that spoke any Spanish at all has gone to another school, AND that my classroom is right across from the front office... I think I will have MUCH opportunity to practice what I know and learn much more this year. Crazy... Coincidence? I think not. ;)

¡Summit en Español!

I have known for a couple of months now that the Summit would soon be launching our newest campus... Summit en Español. I was already excited about this because it was going to be meeting at the same time as the Summit Evening Campus (which is moving to Saturdays as of August 15th). I believed it was a great idea. I looked forward to occasionally making my way down to the bay, where the Spanish campus would be meeting, to listen to and sing in Spanish. But I can honestly say, I wasn't as pumped as I am now.

This afternoon, as I was helping set up for the evening campus, I was listening to the worship team practice (it's one of the reasons I love helping set up!). Everything was per usual... Raudel was singing "Here I am to worship..." when all of a sudden I realized he was not singing in English! My heart did flips as I listened and looked at the screens and realized that 2 of the songs we were singing tonight were partly in English and partly in Spanish.

You see, I used to love Spanish. In college, I was convinced I'd be a missionary someday in a Spanish speaking country... I ended up in South Africa, where they most definitely do not speak Spanish. Strangely, and most assuredly by God's grace, while I was gone for 2 years, not using any Spanish, I did not lose much of what I had learned in school.

In my first 2 years of teaching, I was able to use a good amount of Spanish (for many of my students, Spanish is their primary language). I bought a house in a neighborhood where many people speak Spanish, and I helped out with the kids at the Summit's ESL classes. I loved learning more words/phrases in Spanish. I met a pastor at a Spanish church and visited his church - vowing to continue to improve my Spanish so that one day I'd be able to understand his sermons! :) Slowly though, I used less and less Spanish. I still have Spanish speaking children in my classes at school, but the last 2 years, they've come in with a good handle on English. I lost contact with my pastor friend. I stopped helping at the ESL classes to focus on the Oxford Manor Kids' Club, and I have yet to have a good conversation with my neighbors.

Tonight, as I sang the songs in both languages... as I worshipped my Savior in Spanish, my desire to learn this beautiful language was, without a doubt, rekindled. I pray that God will help me learn and then provide me with new opportunities to serve Him! I am so excited, or should I say, "Estoy muy emocionada!" (Raudel, was that right??) about this upcoming Saturday, when the Summit PM campus AND Summit en Español will be simultaneously launched. I know God is going to do big things, for from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever!! Amen!

Eat cookies. Lose weight. It's that simple.

Seriously!? Are you kidding me??

Those were the words I saw flash before my eyes as I (not so simply) finished off my treadmill time this morning. Well geez, if I'd known it was that simple to lose weight, I wouldn't have gone to the gym!

I'm 28 years old, and having been struggling with my weight since I was about 7 years old, I can tell you - it's not simple. Nothing about it is simple. And eating cookies is not the answer. But slowly (I am fairly stubborn), God is teaching me what the real answer is.

I grew up in church, and I am thankful for the many truths of God that I learned at a young age! But I can honestly say that it wasn't until about a year ago that I ever heard a pastor preach about the sin of gluttony. Yep, I said it. Gluttony. It's not a pretty word. It's not fun to talk about. And it's especially not fun to hear about it. The sting of conviction is never sweet, but what is sweet is the amazing declaration that Jesus paid for my sin on Calvary. Though this is a hard battle, I know that God is the strength of my heart (where all this sin originates!) and my portion forever! I know that I am a child of God, and that He desires good for me (and good does not mean He lets me do/eat whatever I want!).

This has been an incredible, life-changing revelation for me. It's one that I have to constantly remember. My small group members have to pray for me and hold me accountable. It's NOT simple, but it's so worth it to know that I am faithfully taking care of the temple of the Holy Spirit, and that I am striving to live according to His plan for my life!

I realize that this concept (age-old though it may be) is quite foreign to our "supersized" "have it your way" culture, but it is Biblical. If anyone reading this would like to discuss this further, please let me know! I recently read a book called "Love to Eat, Hate to Eat" by Elyse Fitzpatrick, and I highly recommend it.

"Sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law, but under grace."
Romans 6:14

the happier side of Oxford Manor

After yesterday's post, I feel the need to write today and let you all know that today went much better! Brett went and talked to some parents Thursday afternoon and was told that "it won't happen again." Well, nothing happened today! I'm happy to take one day at a time. Today was a fun day at Oxford Manor. We had a surprising turn out of missionaries, and for that I am so VERY grateful! God always provides. :) I should be sleeping right now, so instead of writing a ton, I'll just show you some of the wonderful reasons I go to Oxford Manor every week. ENJOY!

sometimes ministry hurts

Today was day 3 of the 5 day Oxford Manor Kids' Club. Each day has had its struggles... primarily because of some tough, angry, defiant older kids who, for some odd reason, show up every day with no apparent goal other than to be a distraction. Tuesday they faught (for real fighting) twice. Wednesday they located the snack buckets and stole some snack. Today they decided that throwing water would be fun. Then at the end of club, when we were giving out snack to the kids who listened, a couple of them came over and tried to grab snack right out from the bucket that I was holding. I honestly don't know exactly what happened. All I know is as one grabbed the bucket, another grabbed snack that fell on the ground, and somehow at the end of it, I ended up with a pain in my side. I seriously can't tell you if a kid hit me or if I twisted wrong trying to get the snack away from them, but somehow the story ends with a pain in my side (literally).

I tried so hard not to seem influenced or shaken, but I honestly was. My heart hurts more than my side does. I wonder what these kids' lives are like everyday... for them to think that stuff like this is funny, to see nothing wrong with blatantly stealing things, to think that yelling and calling people awful names is ok. I grew up with Christian parents who taught me right from wrong, and who loved me unconditionally. I can't imagine what it must be like for these kids. I hate the sin that is ruining their lives.

Sometimes I have trouble remembering that it is the sin that I despise. I found myself on Tuesday just wishing they would go away so we could have a good kids' club without so much annoying disturbance. Sometimes I have to watch my tongue because my first reaction to rude talk is to throw some back at them. Wednesday morning God smacked me with 1 Peter 3:8-9 - Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind. Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing. God put His finger right on my own sin and reminded me that I am called to bless, not return evil with evil, or "rude talk with rude talk."

That's not easy... today's events make it even harder. It's hard to be treated like crap every day and go back the next. But Jesus did it, and tells us to be willing to do the same. 1 Peter 3 goes on to say "Now who is there to harm you if you are zealous for what is good? But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled."

We are there because these kids need Jesus. They need the life changing power that only Christ can offer. Thankfully, about 50 kids are hearing the Gospel everyday. Even though the rough kids try to distract, many kids have their eyes glued to the teacher as he teaches them about Jesus Christ. This is why I am there! I love watching the kids as they hear about Jesus and His love for them. I am thankful that Jesus has power over sin, and that I already know the end of the story!

Please pray with me that the next two days will continue to be fruitful for the Kingdom of God. Pray that Jesus will be glorified and that He will draw these children to Himself. Pray that residents of Oxford Manor will come to know Jesus Christ, whatever it takes.

Hope

The summer after I returned home from South Africa was the summer that the Summit Church launched its first "Week of Hope." I can't express in words how much that helped me to decide to plant myself in Durham. It helped me to begin to see that my life as a "missionary" had not ended simply because I was not on foreign soil - my location had changed, but my calling in life had not, and God showed me that (for now) Durham is my mission field.

I signed up for a couple different projects. When I showed up for one, I realized that it had been more geared for students (youth) and there really wasn't a place for me. I was somewhat disappointed because it was in a public housing development where there were lots of Spanish speaking kids, and I wanted to practice my Spanish! Since there was nothing for me to do there, I went to the Summit offices, where the secretary called Brad (the guy in charge) and asked if there was a project that needed any more help. I was sent to Oxford Manor.

Tomorrow will mark the 4th week-long kids' Bible club in Oxford Manor. It marks 3 years of tough ministry in this neighborhood. I can't help but reflect on how God has moved. I know God consistently challenges me through this ministry - He challenges me to trust Him and His ways. I am constantly reminded that He is in charge, He loves these kids infinitely more than I ever could, and He has great things planned for them. I get to be a small part in His plan. I'm often too busy asking Him to send more volunteers or griping about something that went "wrong" to remember to thank Him for allowing me the privilege to get to know some amazing kids and simply show them and tell them about Jesus, my wonderful Savior. What an honor to be able to be God's mouthpiece in Oxford Manor!

I pray that I will never back down from the truth of the Gospel, and I will fervently pray for salvation to come to the residents of Oxford Manor through Jesus Christ. He is their only hope.

I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes.
Romans 1:16

28

So far 28 is not so bad... I've had a fantastic birthday week! On Tuesday, my best friend from home (Shannon) came up to Durham and we had a yummy lunch at the Cheesecake Factory... mmm... Then Tuesday night I went to my Summit life group, which is always fun! We finished up some work on our hope for Durham project and then enjoyed blueberry muffins (which my friend Ashley made just because she knew I liked them!) and played a few rounds of corn hole. If you don't know what corn hole is, I'm not sure how to explain it, but it's this game where you have to throw bags of corn (literally) into the hole of the wooden corn hole target on the other side. It doesn't sound all that fun, but it really is! Since I'm not too good with explanations, I'll include a few pictures.

Last night (my actual birthday) Leanne made lasagna (my favorite!) and peanut butter pie (she knows I'm not a fan of cake). Then after she, Chris, Ainsley and I ate, we played THREE games of Settlers of Catan. I won the first game, and they swear they didn't let me win. Then Chris won the next two... oh well. I'm happy with my win. :)


That past couple of days have been somewhat tough... not that I dread getting older or anything... I don't care how old I get. My biggest fear though is wasting my time. I have a hard time reliving the past (especially my 2 years in south africa) and thinking I was somehow a better Christian "back in the day." God has been good to me though, and reminded me of the many ways He has clearly made my path straight to be here and to be doing the things here He has called me to. I must never doubt that His plan is best for my life, even when I can't see what He is doing! I have a feeling 28 is going to be a GREAT year. God's got it under control, so I have nothing to worry about.

I need you

A few days ago I was catching up on some of the season finales that I'd missed. (Incase you don't know, I gave up my cable, and now watch shows online when I have time.) In two of the shows I watch, there was a prominent message between characters that I noticed. One in a text message and the other verbalized... three simple words...

This message is prevalent in relationships on television. There's always this strong dependency on each other that inevitably falls to pieces further down the road... such a predictable plot line.

A couple weeks ago I also heard a new (for me) worship song - first at a funeral, and then the next night at church. The chorus of the song says:

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need

These two ideas do not mesh... which is such an indicator of our society. We know we need something... we need healing... we need Christ. But we are fed the lie that we need so much more (what we think is more anyway). We need love, acceptance, sex, money, respect, happiness. No wonder we're always dissatisfied and in need of something else.

I love that this song says "You're more than enough for me." I have been listening to this song A LOT the fast few days. I must be often reminded that Jesus is more than enough for me. He is all I need. All I ever WILL need! I may want other things, but I love knowing that He provides more than enough... sometimes I may not get what I want, but I will always get what I need. He is my faithful provider. My loving Father. My portion. And I can rest assured knowing I need nothing else.


“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?
Matthew 6:25-26

Older...

Every once in a while there is a perfect song that hits me just right.... tonight it's Colbie Caillat's song "Older" (a bonus track from her Coco album on iTunes). I think the lyrics pretty much explain themselves...

Waited all my life for this day to come
I feel like letting go
Life goes on
Wasting no more time
So much to be done
Everything works out
So they say
Over my shoulder
It's tough getting older
Yeah, yeah

Seems like nothing is black and white anymore
Shades of gray and I feel a weight over my shoulder
It's tough getting older
I always thought that I knew where I'd want to go
Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder
It's kinda tough getting older

Here before my eyes
Many roads ahead
Time for me to choose one way now
If I take a chance
What lies down the road
Feeling so confused
Turned around
On and on
On and on
Yeah, yeah'

Seems like nothing is black and white anymore
Shades of gray and I feel a weight over my shoulder
It's tough getting older
I always thought that I knew where I'd want to go
Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder
It's kinda tough getting older

Waited all my life for this day to come
I feel like letting go
Life goes on
Over my shoulder
It's tough getting older
Yeah, yeah'

Seems like nothing is black and white anymore
Shades of gray and I feel a weight over my shoulder
It's tough getting older
I always thought that I knew where I'd want to go
Now I'm here and I find that I'm still getting colder
It's kinda tough getting older

not just "one of the guys"

I grew up with brothers. The few neighborhood kids my age were boys. Though I enjoyed playing with dolls, I also spent many hours building forts with the boy next door. I've never really had a problem befriending and easily talking to (most) guys, and I used to hate the thought of being considered a "girly girl." A strange thing happened after college... I bought this random pair of shoes... white adidas with light pink stripes on the sides. I loved them. That's when the pink madness began. To this day I adore the color pink. (If you know me, you can testify!)

Recently, I found myself wishing I could really "talk theology" with my guys friends. (I realize now how silly that sounds.) But really, I want to know stuff so I can hold my own in a conversation. I seriously get hyped when I actually do know what to say on a certain topic, but more often than not, I leave the conversation thinking, "dang it, I need to go to seminary." I wonder why I think this way. Why do I feel the need to "hold my own" in a deep theological discussion? I am certain there is an element of pride in this equation, as pride always seems to creep in. But I also believe that this feeling is born out of a God given conviction that I do need to know Him more. I've used "not being able to go to seminary" as an excuse! Seminary is not the one and only place to learn about God. He has given me His Holy Word, and that is sufficient! And thank God, guys are not the only ones God calls to know Him!

Earlier this week I stumbled upon the "women's theology" section of Mars Hill Church's media. I began listening to a teaching entitled "What is theology, and why should I care?" And I'll admit, it's gotten me kinda pumped to study Scripture. It was really sweet to hear truths from God's Word from a very intelligent, God fearing woman. She would put things in a certain way that only a woman could, and as a woman, just as I needed to hear it! I am really getting into the teachings on this website. I've even made myself a notebook to keep all the notes I frantically scribble! (No, it's not pink, but it does have pink in it! hehe) One of the women who does some of the teaching actually wrote a book called "Practical Theology for Women" I'm considering getting some other ladies to read this book with me so we can have our own theological discussions. (If you're interested, PLEASE email me asap! I promise we don't have to discuss it while painting our nails... though I'm not opposed. haha)

I know I have rambled... but I'm excited! I am loving this place that God has me in right now. A place where I am so in love with Him and His Word and His people! How I wish I could stay in this place (any advice on how to do that would be much appreciated). I hope that you will check out the links I included... they are quite useful!

"Wisdom will come into your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." Proverbs 2:10

canceled sin

This morning when I woke up, I had one line from a song in my head. Crazy thing was, I couldn't (at the time) remember anything else from the song... not the title... not any other line. Just this one line, "he breaks the power of canceled sin, he sets the prisoner free." Those of you who grew up Baptist know this song, I'm sure. I literally walked around this morning humming this line to myself over and over again until something hit me. "Power of canceled sin." Wait a minute... how in the world does canceled sin have ANY power of me? If sin has been canceled then it shouldn't hold any power over my life. NONE! Then I thought about something that was said at my small group on Tuesday night. A friend of mine said that we already have victory over sin through Jesus Christ and His death, so we are not enslaved to sin... we are not in bondage... BUT many times we choose to be in bondage to the sin. *Ouch* That one hurt... a lot. You see, I know I am free... I know Christ died to set me free, and it kills me when I think about the ways that I have chosen to live in sin and basically spit in His face. You may be thinking that I'm being too hard on myself, but let me point out that I know me, and I know how I have failed. I know that I have chosen to let canceled sin (sin that should have NO hold on me) destroy both my health and my relationship with Christ.

I've been listening to Charles Wesley's famous hymn, "O, For a Thousand Tongues to Sing" all day. (Can you believe I had to google the line from the song in order to remember what it was!?) All day I've been basking in the remembrance that Christ has freed me from sin. He set me free over 2000 years ago, and He continues to break the power of those sins that I, in blatant rebellion to Him, choose to hold on to. Man, He must really love me to keep coming after me like this. Where would I be without His grace and power in my life? I dare not think about it!!

He breaks the power of canceled sin
He sets the prisoners free
His blood can make the foulest clean
His blood availed for me
-Charles Wesley

But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.
Romans 6:22

Vitamin B

So I don't know if it's really the vitamin or not, but I've been taking this vitamin for about 2 weeks now, and I quite literally have been in the best (consistent) mood that I've been in in a really long time. It might have NOTHING to do with the vitamin, but darned if I'm gonna stop taking it! Today my kids were crazy at school (this rain really needs to stop), the people at advanced auto parts wouldn't put in my light bulb for me (like a friend had said they would), I spent 10 minutes waiting on passport pictures to print which then came out with a line across my face, went somewhere else to get them made and then got to the post office too late to send in my passport renewal application. Typically I'd have been freaking out by this point, but seriously, I wasn't. Vitamin B? Who knows, but I like the new me. :)

Vitamin or not though, life is good. I turned off my cable about a month ago and have not once regretted it. I actually have time to read now! I'm an avid book-buyer, but have never had the time to be an avid book-reader! But lately I have actually been reading and it's fantastic. Speaking of reading, my book is waiting for me... :)

mama needs a new pair of shoes!

Shoes for hiking, that is! This past Sunday I finally made it out to the hiking trails at the Eno River. A couple friends of mine and I hiked about 2 miles and I didn't die! So today (Monday) I decided to take Cadey to do some hiking. We had a blast! I am quite sad that I didn't take my camera with me. Many times I wish I'd had it so that I could capture the hilarity of Cadey experiencing the trails. She very much liked splashing and swimming in some shallow parts of the river!! I very much liked the walk as well. This is the kind of exercise I want to get more of... the natural kind. I want to be outside, not in a gym! Both Cadey and I got great exercise and had fun doing it. Here's a picture of her (from my phone) on the drive home. She made me laugh... she just propped herself up against the seat and sat there, tongue hanging out, occasionally sticking her nose out the window. Yeah, it was definitely a fun afternoon! :)

get up and move!

Lately, at Oxford Manor Kids' Club, we have been seeing glimpses of hope that these kids are "getting" the Gospel. A few weeks ago, we were teaching the kids a verse of Scripture about Heaven, and the teacher asked the kids how to get to Heaven. One of the little kids (about 4 or 5) said, "Jesus' blood has to cover up your sins!" Precious... he got it. This past Saturday the lesson was about the 12 disciples following Jesus. The teacher for the little kids asked them what it meant to follow Jesus and how to do it. Another little guy (about 4) said, "you get up and move!" Wow... he's so right!! Of course, the teacher was looking for something a little different (believing in and trusting Jesus), but I'm taking the kid version to heart. It means nothing if I sit and read the Bible and pray (which are good things!) if I don't also get up and move! The call of Christ is a call to action! Ah... truths from children. Priceless!