surrendering the page

You all know I've been working through a slump that I've been in... it's been harder for me to eat right... tougher to make myself go to the gym... and my desire just hasn't been there for me like it used to be! I mentioned before that a few weeks ago my sessions with Michael ended, and that was just the final straw that made my slump seem near impossible to crawl out of. The last few weeks have been tough, I'm not gonna lie... but they've been good. I know... that seems incredibly contradictory, so let me explain.

Michael taught me so much... so very much. So much that when I thought about doing this without him, it seemed too daunting to think about for too long! For 3 weeks I've hardly even wanted to go to the gym. This started to get better last week, and this week the desire has only increased. It was still weird though... to go and see Michael sometimes, but not be there to workout with him. Once I didn't have headphones, so I had to listen to him torture... I mean train... someone else (oh the horror!) haha... Jealousy is an ugly beast. I think what I missed the most was just the motivation I got from him. I can do the workouts now, no problem, but I just missed talking to him!

Well... yesterday I took my roommate, Ashley, to the gym. I introduced her to a few different movements and then put her through a workout. Go Ashley! I must not have killed her though, because when we were done, she joined the gym!! WOOHOO!! After she left, and I did my workout, I finally got the chance to chat with Michael and talk about how the last few weeks have been going. Finally the air was cleared and I literally left feeling so relieved. I feel like I'd still been hoping that someday I could afford Michael again... someday I'd have the money... someday I'd this or that. But now I am ok saying that the stage of this journey, where I needed to be taught so very much to even get started, is over. It's time for me to now continue to run this race alongside others and begin to teach others what I have been taught!

I feel like for the last 3 weeks, God has been trying to turn this page pf my life, and I've been pulling it back down with all my might. (I know that's not theologically correct... He can do whatever He wants with or without my approval, but bear with me here!) He's been trying to tell me, "it's over, it done, time to move on to new adventures," but I've been too stubborn, thinking that nothing could possibly be better that what I had. What utter foolishness on my part!

I'm finally excited again... excited to see what the future holds... excited to see what God writes on this page!!