the ugly "I can't!"

Typically I write here about victorious moments in this journey. Today (just to remind you I'm a real person!) I'll share my not-so-wonderful gym experience...

Some ridiculously awesome person anonymously paid for me to have 2 training sessions with Michael. I have no idea who this person is, but if you're reading this... THANK YOU! Anyway, yesterday was the 2nd session. I have no idea why, but during 3 different exercises I found myself irritated with Michael that he was asking me to do something I "couldn't" do. Seriously, at one point I kinda wanted to just walk away because I was so frustrated with not being able to do the movement as well as I thought he wanted me to do it. I'd tell you what it was if I knew the name of it... but it involved holding myself up on the knee-up thingy and then stepping over a bar that Michael was holding in the air. (I know, hard to imagine, but I'm struggling to explain it properly! Sorry!)

The last thing Michael had me do was a set of 30 seconds on / 30 seconds off on the treadmill... with the treadmill at an incline of 10. Yikes! And he wanted me to jog... what!? I'm pretty sure I even said that out loud as he punched in the speed... I thought to myself, "what is he doing? who does he think I am? I can't keep up this pace on an incline of 10!" But you know what? I did do it. I even increased the speed... and on the last round, when he increased the incline to 11, I did that too.

What is it in me that keeps thinking "I can't"? During one of the 30 seconds off I said to Michael, "you know, I guess I didn't lose 30+ pounds doing easy stuff." And that's totally true... at no point in the last 6 months has this been easy, so why do I think that all of a sudden I'm just going to coast by and keep losing weight? I'm not sure where these ugly thoughts come from, but I'm glad I have recognized them and can fight them!

And Michael, if you're reading this, consider this my public apology for my crappy attitude yesterday! I apparently have a long way to go... Looking back on yesterday though, there is a small part of me that wishes I had walked off, just to see what you would've done. Would there have been an epic "biggest-loser-esque" shouting match at Anytime Fitness? hehe... One can only wonder.

And the winner is....

I have never been an athlete... I've never really tried to be. But when I signed up for the "Resolutionary War" men vs. women challenge at the gym back in January, I decided to actually give this thing a shot. The winner would be determined by # of workouts at the gym, pounds lost, and miles logged. When I started to see others' miles in the notebook, something lit inside me and all of a sudden I wanted to WIN! Seriously. I started thinking about how I could get to the gym as often as possible. A friend even had to fuss at me once so that I would take a day off and let my body rest. By golly, for once I wanted to win an athletic competition and I was going to do everything within my power to do it! And well... I did it!

I'm not even really sure yet what the prize is for winning... I know I should care, but honestly, though I look forward to a prize, I'm more excited about having my name on that board for all to see. Does that make me a prideful person? I hope not in a bad way... I am proud of myself and all the hard work I've been doing!

I am so incredibly thankful for all the friends I have who have been encouraging me along this journey (& will continue to I hope!). Winning this one competition is only one battle won in a war! There will be more battles to come, for sure... but I'm going to enjoy this victory for a little while. :)

Hanging out with myself on a Friday night!

When we had to turn in our availability to work at DPAC in the month of March, I took off this whole weekend. I had no real reason to, except that I just wanted a weekend without working! I had no clue what I would do on this Friday night, but I knew I was totally ok with the fact that as of Friday afternoon, I had no plans for Friday night! And it turned out to be a GREAT night of Bonnie time!!

1) I finally went to the Summit offices to turn in past receipts from kids' club... that'll be a nice check to get in a couple weeks!

2) Went to Best Buy to buy an arm band so I can workout around the gym without having to hold my iPhone anymore. I was worried that the band wouldn't fit around my arm... but it did! :) AND it was on sale. Score.

3) I was on my way to Barnes and Noble (see #4) when I realized that Lane Bryant was having a 40% off everything in the store sale. I am in serious need of some jeans that fit, so I stopped in. When the lady asked me what size I needed, I had no clue... before September, I was wearing a 24... and the ones that fit best were 18s!!! Woohoo! I ended up not getting any just because I didn't like them, but I was still grinning from ear to ear!

4) Went to Barnes and Noble in search of the perfect planner or journal to write my workouts in. I've been searching for a week and haven't been happy. Well... I found it! And I'm in love. It is an 18 month planner that just so happened to go from March 2011 (so I don't have to waste any pages) to August 2012! It has the perfect amount of space in it to write my workouts and times, and even has a place for notes in the back where I will be able to write out other people's workouts. As I was checking out, I spotted some Godiva chocolate... hmm... "I've been good today, and am heading to the gym in a bit, so YES, I will have some Godiva dark chocolate. Thank you, very much."

5) Then... I went to Dick's Sporting Goods to see if I could buy any of their workout clothes yet. Back around November, I went and nothing fit! It has been a goal of mine to be able to buy/wear something from under armour. I don't really know why... just a silly little goal. Well... back in November I walked out of there so broken hearted that nothing fit... tonight I left with a pair of workout capris and 2 shirts... one being my very first under armour shirt! (Oh, and the pants and under armour shirt were both on sale. Score again.) I love it. :) Maybe it helped me accomplish #6...

6) I headed to the gym for what I knew would be a tough workout. I've been getting my workouts from Michael's website, and I was not looking forward to this one! It's called "One Hour in Hell" *yikes* It's 10 minutes each, as many as possible of push-ups, ring-rows (modified pull-ups), sit-ups, and squats, with 5 minutes of rest between each one. To warm up, I decided to walk a little... then I decided I should try to run a little... and I ended up jogging for HALF A MILE!! WHAT?! Yep, .5 miles... I couldn't believe it. It honestly wasn't that long ago that I was shouting to the rooftops about .3 miles. I finished up the mile and began the real workout... ended up doing 118 push-ups, 88 ring rows, 170 sit-ups, and 254 squats. Then I did the bike for a few easy miles to cool down as I watched the rest of House on Hulu (I love my phone).

And now I'm home! Relaxed and ready to go to bed... It has been such a fantastic, joyous Friday night all by myself! I'm even excited about getting to sleep in in the morning. Ahh.... the simple things in life. Goodnight!!