my cabin get-away

This past week I have been with the CEF (child evangelism fellowship) "boot camp." Basically, about 20 teenagers from mostly around North Carolina, came into Durham for the week to learn about effectively ministering in urban settings (focusing on children). Part of the time was spent learning in a classroom setting, and the other part of the days were spent putting this knowledge to work in some communities in Durham. It was a crazy, busy, amazing, reflective, humbling, challenging, encouraging, refreshing, and exhausting week.

The students all left this morning. Soon after they left I rushed off to a doctor's appointment, then to the Oxford Manor Kids' Club (like every Saturday), and after that, rushed home to get ready for worship practice and then the service at Summit en Espanol. Though I tried my best to pay attention, my brain was not functioning well in Spanish tonight. I kept thinking, "I need to get away... I need to process this week... I need to be quiet... I want to be in a cabin all alone in the woods!"

You all know I don't live anywhere near a cabin in the woods. I also don't have the means or the time to find a cabin somewhere and even rent it for a couple days. But I couldn't shake that sweet thought of hunkerin' down under a quilt in absolute quiet... with a cup of coffee, my journal, and a good pen.

So... I left church quickly tonight. I love everyone there, but I was stressing, and I knew I needed to put my plan into action. On the way home, I stopped at King's Red & White, a locally owned, family type corner grocery store right by my house. I bought some locally roasted coffee beans, some creamer from Maple View Farms (which is a in a neighboring city), and some ice cream from the same place. I also bought some apple butter... 'cuz nothin says country cabin like some apple butter! (plus the bootcampers ate mine.)

I hurried home to tidy up my living room. After a week of running in and out, only coming home to walk Cadey and sleep, things had gotten out of place, and I can NOT rest when things are messy! I turned down the a/c to make it chilly in here, lit an apple cinnamon candle, and brewed some of that home roasted coffee. While cleaning, I listened to my "Alathea" CD (a new band that performed and ministered with us at boot camp... they're a folk band... very soothing to the soul & "cabin-esque" ;)) Once the room was clean, I prepared my coffee, got out my quilt, dimmed the lights a little, and lit a wood-wick candle (at least I can pretend there's a fire going!).

Now, here I sit... in my own little "cabin" in the middle of urban Durham. ;) My cell-phone is on silent, and as soon as I hit the publish button I'll be turning off this computer. My coffee, journal, and nice pen await me.

my new favorite song

For the past few months, I can safely say that I've been listening to music in Spanish at least 90% of the time... at church, in the car, at home, everywhere! It's really helping me learn new words, phrases, and just get used to hearing Spanish. But for some reason, on Tuesday morning, when I got in the car at o'dark thirty to go to the gym, I didn't plug in my iPod and my favorite Spanish CD was in the house, so I turned on good ole k-love (the Christian radio station). This song came on the radio that I really liked the words to. When I got home that morning, I looked up the song and listened to it again... and again... and again. I looked up the lyrics, wrote them in my journal, and turned them into my prayer. Here they are...

Savior, Please (by Josh Wilson)
Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can,
but I don't know how long I'll last

Chorus:
I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone,
God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am
because You're all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me
Hallelujah!

It's better if you listen to it, so go ahead... I'll be here when you get back... Savior, Please

I remember hearing just a small part of this song once before & not liking the line "keep saving me." I thought it was coming from the camp of saying you have to "keep" being saved, which is not at all what I believe. But when I listened to it (numerous times) I realized that, yes, I AM saved... once, forever, always, tightly in God's grip. My name's already written in His book and on the palm of His hand. (Psalm 139:16 & Isaiah 49:16) That's pretty forever if you ask me. But, there is still a raging war of sin vs. holiness that is going on within me on a daily basis. And I DO need to constantly be saved from, none other than, myself & the sin that so often rears its ugly head.

I feel like this song was written by someone just like me. Someone who feels like he has a good, Godly image to uphold, and who feels sometimes like it's up to him to keep up that image. Or someone who's always on the go, trying to do the right thing, say the right words, or even pray the 'right' prayer. But, by golly, it's hard keeping up an image and trying to be perfect all the time. And I sure can't do it, just like this song says. I can't do this life alone... I'll never be able to do it alone, which is why I so desperately need God to hold on to me... so that when I get all prideful, thinking I'm doing everything right (and all the while getting further from the life of holiness He intends for me), He is still holding me, drawing me back to Him. Wow. I am so incredibly thankful that He has me. I'm His. He loves me - ME! Hard to believe sometimes.

Sometimes Christian music gets a bad rap. Sometimes it's downright cheesy or poorly executed. But I'm loving this song. I listen to it in the morning, to remind me of the truth that I can't do this alone. I need Him. I listen to it throughout the day because well, I'm stubborn, and I quickly forget the very things I need to remember. (The song say, "I fade so fast" - yep, that's me!)

I hope you'll give this song a listen, and let it do a work in your heart as it has mine!