surrendering the page

You all know I've been working through a slump that I've been in... it's been harder for me to eat right... tougher to make myself go to the gym... and my desire just hasn't been there for me like it used to be! I mentioned before that a few weeks ago my sessions with Michael ended, and that was just the final straw that made my slump seem near impossible to crawl out of. The last few weeks have been tough, I'm not gonna lie... but they've been good. I know... that seems incredibly contradictory, so let me explain.

Michael taught me so much... so very much. So much that when I thought about doing this without him, it seemed too daunting to think about for too long! For 3 weeks I've hardly even wanted to go to the gym. This started to get better last week, and this week the desire has only increased. It was still weird though... to go and see Michael sometimes, but not be there to workout with him. Once I didn't have headphones, so I had to listen to him torture... I mean train... someone else (oh the horror!) haha... Jealousy is an ugly beast. I think what I missed the most was just the motivation I got from him. I can do the workouts now, no problem, but I just missed talking to him!

Well... yesterday I took my roommate, Ashley, to the gym. I introduced her to a few different movements and then put her through a workout. Go Ashley! I must not have killed her though, because when we were done, she joined the gym!! WOOHOO!! After she left, and I did my workout, I finally got the chance to chat with Michael and talk about how the last few weeks have been going. Finally the air was cleared and I literally left feeling so relieved. I feel like I'd still been hoping that someday I could afford Michael again... someday I'd have the money... someday I'd this or that. But now I am ok saying that the stage of this journey, where I needed to be taught so very much to even get started, is over. It's time for me to now continue to run this race alongside others and begin to teach others what I have been taught!

I feel like for the last 3 weeks, God has been trying to turn this page pf my life, and I've been pulling it back down with all my might. (I know that's not theologically correct... He can do whatever He wants with or without my approval, but bear with me here!) He's been trying to tell me, "it's over, it done, time to move on to new adventures," but I've been too stubborn, thinking that nothing could possibly be better that what I had. What utter foolishness on my part!

I'm finally excited again... excited to see what the future holds... excited to see what God writes on this page!!

pass it on...

If there's one thing my pre-k class has learned about this year, it's how to be healthy. I love hearing 4 and 5 year olds talk about healthy and unhealthy ("sometimes") foods or about why it is important to exercise or drink water. My classroom now has a 15 minute exercise time and multiple water breaks written into the schedule. I dare say that teaching little ones about fitness is becoming quite the passion of mine as I learn it for myself! Here's a peak at a spontaneous work out that happened outside today! The little guy in the yellow shirt called himself the "class trainer" today. It warmed my heart. :)

gym + friends = motivation!

Last night my friend Lori met me at the gym for a workout. I had a plan in mind, but nothing set in stone. I've been feeling very blah about the gym since a couple of weeks ago, when Michael told me that the new gym owner wouldn't let him give me the deal he'd been giving me. Seriously, I haven't even wanted to go to the gym! I'm really missing working out with Michael, but I have to learn that he is not the be all and end all of this journey. He was (is) a tool that God chose to use (& maybe will use again?) to help me get this journey off to a ridiculously good start, and I'm thankful for every workout I got to have with him! but I digress... back to last night...

Right as Lori and I finished our warm up, my friend, Scott, walked in. Scott and I go back to our Tarheel days, and have recently been reacquainted at good-ole Anytime Fitness. He's been very encouraging, and has mentioned a few times that if I needed any pointers, he'd be happy to help. So... last night he put Lori and I through a tough workout! I think when he said we'd be doing lunges, Lori squealed with delight. As a runner, Lori is used to lunges, and has been trying to get me to do them. Michael has never had me do them (he had a reason, but I forget what it was.) Oh. My. Goodness. This is probably TMI, but my bum hurts!! Never, in the last almost 8 months has that happened. Thanks, Lori and Scott. Thanks a lot!

We took a while to finish the workout since he showed us everything first, but I think it's safe to say that we enjoyed ourselves even though we were getting a beat down. Working out alongside friends makes it so much more fun! I look forward to working out with others in the near future... trail running with Ashley H. on Monday, spinning (for the first time ever) with Shyana at some point, working out with Christi and Becca at their gym, cross-fit classes with Ashley & Shane, more workouts with Lori, and come summer time, I want to head home to Sanford to go to at least one of Janel's ZUMBA classes! (yeah, I'm super excited about that) SO much fun to look forward to!!

On a final note, after I wrote my short little post on Monday, I saw one of the comments (on facebook) from a friend that I met in the Financial Peace University class back in September. I started that class at the same time as I started this journey. Seeing his name made me think back to that time. I thought, "if I want my finances in order, I don't hope and pray for a desire to get out of debt. That'll never work. No. I write a budget. I stick to it. I pay off the debt. I take action. Passion or no passion, action must be taken." SAME HERE! Yes, having a passion to exercise/eat right sure helps, but passion or no passion, action must be taken. And I'm taking it... one step at a time.

ps... scale reads 216... that's 43# down!

short & honest

Friends, I am struggling. Let me repeat that for emphasis... I. am. struggling. I have been stuck around the same weight for almost 2 months now and it's driving me insane. At first I felt like I was doing everything right and still not losing, which then gave way to me making more poor choices out of frustration. I need my passion back. Passion!? Where did you go?!? I figure that maybe if I start blogging again, and actually do it regularly, then maybe I'll have all of you wonderful internet friends to keep me accountable (yeah, all 3 of you! hehe). So, I'll write more tomorrow... but for today, pray for me to get that swift kick in the pants that got me started almost 8 months ago!!

Just for number's sake... today's weight = 218 ... 41# total lost, and 5 more to go by July 1st...

the ugly "I can't!"

Typically I write here about victorious moments in this journey. Today (just to remind you I'm a real person!) I'll share my not-so-wonderful gym experience...

Some ridiculously awesome person anonymously paid for me to have 2 training sessions with Michael. I have no idea who this person is, but if you're reading this... THANK YOU! Anyway, yesterday was the 2nd session. I have no idea why, but during 3 different exercises I found myself irritated with Michael that he was asking me to do something I "couldn't" do. Seriously, at one point I kinda wanted to just walk away because I was so frustrated with not being able to do the movement as well as I thought he wanted me to do it. I'd tell you what it was if I knew the name of it... but it involved holding myself up on the knee-up thingy and then stepping over a bar that Michael was holding in the air. (I know, hard to imagine, but I'm struggling to explain it properly! Sorry!)

The last thing Michael had me do was a set of 30 seconds on / 30 seconds off on the treadmill... with the treadmill at an incline of 10. Yikes! And he wanted me to jog... what!? I'm pretty sure I even said that out loud as he punched in the speed... I thought to myself, "what is he doing? who does he think I am? I can't keep up this pace on an incline of 10!" But you know what? I did do it. I even increased the speed... and on the last round, when he increased the incline to 11, I did that too.

What is it in me that keeps thinking "I can't"? During one of the 30 seconds off I said to Michael, "you know, I guess I didn't lose 30+ pounds doing easy stuff." And that's totally true... at no point in the last 6 months has this been easy, so why do I think that all of a sudden I'm just going to coast by and keep losing weight? I'm not sure where these ugly thoughts come from, but I'm glad I have recognized them and can fight them!

And Michael, if you're reading this, consider this my public apology for my crappy attitude yesterday! I apparently have a long way to go... Looking back on yesterday though, there is a small part of me that wishes I had walked off, just to see what you would've done. Would there have been an epic "biggest-loser-esque" shouting match at Anytime Fitness? hehe... One can only wonder.

And the winner is....

I have never been an athlete... I've never really tried to be. But when I signed up for the "Resolutionary War" men vs. women challenge at the gym back in January, I decided to actually give this thing a shot. The winner would be determined by # of workouts at the gym, pounds lost, and miles logged. When I started to see others' miles in the notebook, something lit inside me and all of a sudden I wanted to WIN! Seriously. I started thinking about how I could get to the gym as often as possible. A friend even had to fuss at me once so that I would take a day off and let my body rest. By golly, for once I wanted to win an athletic competition and I was going to do everything within my power to do it! And well... I did it!

I'm not even really sure yet what the prize is for winning... I know I should care, but honestly, though I look forward to a prize, I'm more excited about having my name on that board for all to see. Does that make me a prideful person? I hope not in a bad way... I am proud of myself and all the hard work I've been doing!

I am so incredibly thankful for all the friends I have who have been encouraging me along this journey (& will continue to I hope!). Winning this one competition is only one battle won in a war! There will be more battles to come, for sure... but I'm going to enjoy this victory for a little while. :)

Hanging out with myself on a Friday night!

When we had to turn in our availability to work at DPAC in the month of March, I took off this whole weekend. I had no real reason to, except that I just wanted a weekend without working! I had no clue what I would do on this Friday night, but I knew I was totally ok with the fact that as of Friday afternoon, I had no plans for Friday night! And it turned out to be a GREAT night of Bonnie time!!

1) I finally went to the Summit offices to turn in past receipts from kids' club... that'll be a nice check to get in a couple weeks!

2) Went to Best Buy to buy an arm band so I can workout around the gym without having to hold my iPhone anymore. I was worried that the band wouldn't fit around my arm... but it did! :) AND it was on sale. Score.

3) I was on my way to Barnes and Noble (see #4) when I realized that Lane Bryant was having a 40% off everything in the store sale. I am in serious need of some jeans that fit, so I stopped in. When the lady asked me what size I needed, I had no clue... before September, I was wearing a 24... and the ones that fit best were 18s!!! Woohoo! I ended up not getting any just because I didn't like them, but I was still grinning from ear to ear!

4) Went to Barnes and Noble in search of the perfect planner or journal to write my workouts in. I've been searching for a week and haven't been happy. Well... I found it! And I'm in love. It is an 18 month planner that just so happened to go from March 2011 (so I don't have to waste any pages) to August 2012! It has the perfect amount of space in it to write my workouts and times, and even has a place for notes in the back where I will be able to write out other people's workouts. As I was checking out, I spotted some Godiva chocolate... hmm... "I've been good today, and am heading to the gym in a bit, so YES, I will have some Godiva dark chocolate. Thank you, very much."

5) Then... I went to Dick's Sporting Goods to see if I could buy any of their workout clothes yet. Back around November, I went and nothing fit! It has been a goal of mine to be able to buy/wear something from under armour. I don't really know why... just a silly little goal. Well... back in November I walked out of there so broken hearted that nothing fit... tonight I left with a pair of workout capris and 2 shirts... one being my very first under armour shirt! (Oh, and the pants and under armour shirt were both on sale. Score again.) I love it. :) Maybe it helped me accomplish #6...

6) I headed to the gym for what I knew would be a tough workout. I've been getting my workouts from Michael's website, and I was not looking forward to this one! It's called "One Hour in Hell" *yikes* It's 10 minutes each, as many as possible of push-ups, ring-rows (modified pull-ups), sit-ups, and squats, with 5 minutes of rest between each one. To warm up, I decided to walk a little... then I decided I should try to run a little... and I ended up jogging for HALF A MILE!! WHAT?! Yep, .5 miles... I couldn't believe it. It honestly wasn't that long ago that I was shouting to the rooftops about .3 miles. I finished up the mile and began the real workout... ended up doing 118 push-ups, 88 ring rows, 170 sit-ups, and 254 squats. Then I did the bike for a few easy miles to cool down as I watched the rest of House on Hulu (I love my phone).

And now I'm home! Relaxed and ready to go to bed... It has been such a fantastic, joyous Friday night all by myself! I'm even excited about getting to sleep in in the morning. Ahh.... the simple things in life. Goodnight!!